Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
