And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
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