lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
