hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Are my feet made of real feet?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
