I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
