When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
