If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
