there's paper in my vomit.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
i love accidental penises.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
