You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
