I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
No more Irish car bombs ever.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Randomize
