I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
