my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
