and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
