I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
