Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
