you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
