I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
