3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
