Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
