He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
