What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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