Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
