He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
