I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I want a musical about memes.
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