I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
