we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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