My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
