Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
