I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
