I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
i can't believe i had my finger in that
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
