i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
