and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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