I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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