I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Ladies don't puke and tell
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
