She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
