Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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