just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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