I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
