I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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