Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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