god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
We left an ass print on the piano.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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