I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
...so i touched it.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize