amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
