I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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