Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
