all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
