Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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