I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I need a beard to bite.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
