Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
