Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
