you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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