i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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