finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
