If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I am spending my child support on dildos
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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