have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
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