what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
