How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
