she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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