Everything about him screamed your future.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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