Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
whose parrot is this?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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