I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
And then he peed in my hair
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