Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
