i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
