Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Randomize
