So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Randomize
