Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize