That's intense
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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