hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Randomize
